Dying and Hospice

  This week I have found myself thinking a lot about the deaths of some of my family in the past few years, while I have also sought to be a support to others who are facing the grief of having someone they love die.
   I find that one of the issues that I deal with is a deep grief that I was not able to do anything more for my family in their last days -- or 'do it better.'      I know I am not being rational about it -- for I gave all of myself that I could give as well as I could give it.  I still find my grief for those I loved a mixture of loving and missing them deeply and my wish that I could have done more for them as they lay dying.
   In that mix of feelings of grief and guilt, I continue to give thanks for the very idea of hospice (which came to the US from England just a few decades ago).   Hospice is a program that will aid you in your home or in a hospice facility, to help make the death of one you love both easier for them and for the whole family of friends.  Like anything, each hospice organization (and each one is a local organization) is only as good as the people staffing.   Some of the hospice folk  I have met have true blessings who stepped in when they saw that I was at the end of my strength both physically and emotionally.   But there have been times when either I did not know to ask for more help as a crisis grew (or even that there was more help available).
   I guess my greatest learning has been to trust in hospice but to realize that every death is different - so ask questions -- lots of questions -- especially whenever there is a change in the condition of the one you love.  Turns out that hospice folk LOVE it if you call -- even if you call a lot.  I tend to try to take care of things without asking for help -- but in the case of hospice I have learned that it is better to see my job as constantly asking for help in assessing what is happening and what is needed.     I hope that my learning things the hard way may help you in your own journey.    Peace.